To Shame or Not?
I'd like to think we've all experienced this; you do something and the second anyone else sees and doesn't love it immediately, you start questioning if it was good, or even worth the time and effort. There's almost a desire to delete or unmake it.
So, anyway, I wrote a super negative review of a movie from 1999 last week and finally posted it on Saturday to basically no reaction, well that's not entirely true. I don't know if my nesting partners have had time to read it yet, the flu hit my house but spared me so I've been hanging out with the girlfriend. I know that my other girlfriend and sis have read it, but they can't be trusted for honest opinions, love you both to bits. But through the hellish powers of internet analytics I can see that like 8 people have visited the review.
That same regret, that feeling of shame hit me sometime yesterday. Does anyone really need a vitriolic take down of a movie from 1999 that a bunch of people have attached fond memories to? Wouldn't it be better to delete it, let people enjoy things?
I almost did too, but two things kept stopping me. First was a piece of advice I've heard in almost every creative field, but the voice in my head was Alex Steacy talking about his experience making comics. Everyone has some arbitrary number of terrible works to get out before they can make something properly. Sure it's just a silly way of recontextualizing practice, but it's always helped my cursed AuDHD brain handle feeling atrocious at every new thing I try. Deleting it would just make it another project I started and didn't commit to.
And the second stumbling block, why was I prioritizing the opinions of theoretical people who may never even read my review over my own? Why was I giving their nostalgic rose tinted perspectives the same weight as my own negative reactions to the non-sensical plot progression, feminine objectification, racism, and homophobia? And even more so, why was I conflating people having a negative reaction with folks just not being interested in a review of a 25 year old movie?
So I had to ask myself, is anyone hurt by my review of a 25 year old movie? Arguably I did Kel Mitchell a disservice by attempting to play into his character's whole schtick of everyone ignoring him so completely he might as well be invisible. But then again he's become a literal youth pastor so I'm not inclined to carry any water for him as like most of the men in the picture, he's still doing pretty well for himself.
Did I "hurt" those with nostalgia for the movie? Well I made my girlfriend fear I'd hated the experience, when in truth watching it with her and my metamour not only made it bearable, but a wholly entertaining affair. But, no, my issues with the movie don't inherently hurt those who enjoy it. Could I have phrased elements better, like my hyperbolic comment about the film being holistically bad? Yeah, but at the same time, was I wrong?
I could have said, "In my opinion, it's holistically bad." But it's my review. Of course it's my opinion. Why should I feel obliged to be defensive of something I found both poorly made and insulting? I already referenced Adam Tots "Let People Enjoy Things" comic, but it bares repeating again as I, and he, have regularly pointed out it's taken by bad actors constantly. And in fact, I started to fall into the trap myself. Feeling shamed because what if I was not letting people like things.
Like the other internet aphorism, "There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" devoid of context, both sound like encouragement to allow yourself to enjoy the things that make life worth living. That you should receive no criticism for that enjoyment. But that's just not reality, nor what either statement actually means. We should let people enjoy things, so long as those things do no harm. We can consume what we need to keep going under capitalism, but we do so by picking our battles and selecting the least evil we can manage. We don't buy the products that directly fund the washed out author who inexplicably gets to dictate British medical policy, because it's what we can control. We can and should be aware of the issues with the media we consume. We can still enjoy things, while being aware of their issues.
Essentially, I'm glad I wrote the review because it's out. It's done. I've posted it and I never need to let it into my brain again. If I ever watch Mystery Men again, I don't need to think about all my issues with it, but rather that unique experience. And, more than anything else, it means I have a minimum bar set. Anything I review that matters, at least to me, will definitely be better written, and probably more widely read than my first piece.
Which reminds me, so far this year I've finished The Hades Calculus, Sundered Moon, The Companion, and I'm halfway through Magica Riot, and I'm frothing at the bit to write glowing recommendations for all of them, or get eaten by Rotten Girl... or write that piece I've been chewing on about my personal issues with the trans representation in Darcy Liao's Make Room for Love and it's adjacent works and how I still recommend the book. Or maybe I’ll actually write that essay on trans girls, assumed universal submission, the overlap between kink and gender, and the ways certain relationship structures keep popping up in our circles; aka an essay on puppygirls, but that has little to do with media directly, and might be so fresh because I finished that BPD essay earlier today.
Suppose I'm saying I think this has lit a fire in my belly.
Author's note; I wrote this on the 19th and scheduled it for release on the 21st. So there's a very good chance some number of absurd things have happened, pardon me if I haven't fully come to grips with them yet and this is just posted as scheduled. Ah, if so, hey a bunch of those titles will go to itch.io store pages which give the largest cut possible to the queer authors and provide DRM free ownership of the e-books, not licensing of the book like most ebook services. Non-itch links are associate links to physical copies on amazon, I figure if you’re getting them from amazon instead of a local shop, which you may have to do, might as well use a trans girls associate link 🐶
PS. links, maybe it’s just me but I like having them as thier own separate thing so you can tell at a glance where it will take you.
https://mariaying.itch.io/the-hades-calculus
https://amzn.to/3CdEOTs Sundered Moon associate link
https://amzn.to/3WkIzwX The Companion associate link
https://stormmaiden.itch.io/magica-riot
https://moniker-ersatz.itch.io/a-rotten-girl
https://amzn.to/4anPADg Make Room for Love associate link
